Nostalgia...

There's a warm fluffy feeling that invades us every once in a while, a feeling that deletes all the mind games, all the strategies and tactics. a very simple feeling, one that removes all barriers and goes to the core, a simple feeling of longing..to certain pasts, times and places, the underlying genius of this feeling is that it sheds all the "makeup" from the past tense, and looks at people's faces with the eyes of a child, without any judgement or prior impressions, odd..since those faces are of the past, it's in our instinct to refer to our judgements and impressions, as our minds fold them away in the archives of the subconscious.

It is probably an attempt to hold a retrial for those pasts, a re-examination of events that might have led to the indictment of someone, and then found them guilty, and yet..our minds still review those judgements every once in a while, it would never allow an unfair trial, especially if the accused held..or maybe still holds a key to our hearts.

The process of this retrial is a long one, but it begins with the detailed recollection of the good, and the overlooking of the bad in the past under examination, we long for the scent of that rose we once held, but we willingly overlook the wound her thorns caused, we miss those times, they were good times, we might even remember details we thought we forgot, but our minds never let go of any good memories, it might store them somewhere safe, away from our daily thoughts, but when we ask for the file of a certain period in our past, with the intention to remember the good..we even surprise ourselves with the amount of good memories we have about something..or someone we -at one point- found guilty.

Nostalgia, a retrial of our pasts, amazingly, the retrial takes less than a second, all it takes is the memory of a smile to find those who were guilty..innocent again, an un-announced pardon to people who might not even be seeking one, but at least we were true to our own promise of justice.

I have set free many prisoners, and they're running free in the prison called my mind.

On Love..Or Thereabouts

Sometimes, we take a Leap of Faith, with all the unguarded wisdom that accompanies that jump into the unknown, and the foolishness in the act itself, as only fools jump into the dark.

There's a huge difference between infatuation, and love. The latter is a long process of actions and reactions, of trial and error, it's the process of aging of emotions, they "taste" better with time, like wine, or cheese if you prefer. The heart has its secrets, and those aren't revealed -even to the keeper of the heart- as they're secrets not meant for translation. Infatuation, on the other hand, is a strike of lightning, we get struck for a few seconds, and are filled with that electric energy that hypnotizes us, and takes us away from reality, but that hypnosis is short lived, not because it's a foreign virus and must be fought off, but because it's a natural reaction; we are all captivated by beauty: physical and intellectual, it's an act of instinctive natural selection, that goes back to the premise of the survival of the fittest, we want to be with beauty, it gives us the defence we need, the reassurance of continuity and survival.

Love, is a world of its own, it engages all senses, from sight to intellect, even scent has its share, people who are in love can distinguish their partners' scents, as their genes become familiar to each other, it is a process of unification with another human, a conscious decision that engages even the unconscious, reaching the point of telepathy, the familiarity reaches even their souls, and when souls become familiar, the un-earthly wonders of Love are revealed, not to the world, but to those two people, whose world begins with each other's presence, and ends with their parting..however temporary.

We all are infatuated with someone sometimes, but being in Love happens less often, those who consult their souls are even luckier in their leaps of faith, the soul has its own radar, it detects the hidden attractions, and sends an encrypted report to the heart, which reacts with the symptoms of labour, a birth of sorts..and keeps you awake in beautiful pain..when the world is fast asleep.

When I'm with you, we stay up all night. When you're not here, I can't go to sleep. Praise God for the two insominas..and the difference between them.

On Mental Thirst

Sometimes, one's mind becomes thirsty, a kind of thirst never before felt or experienced; you roam around aimlessly trying to find that unknown quencher of your mental thirst, you prescribe your own medicines for your emerging malady and try them all, you go about your days and nights in an "auto pilot" mode, almost mechanically functioning around your daily duties.

You find small islands of distractions..and you entertain the idea of co-existence with that chronic thirst, but with every audible assertion of your continuity called a heartbeat, your mind's longing for that unknown grows, it is fed with the instinctive power of discovery embedded in your genes, your eyes capture pictures of the faces..and places around, your ears capture sounds, they scan the space around you for a sign of familiarity..strange how you seek familiarity in something not known.

Mental thirst might be an inner estrangement, when you question your own list of checks and balances, an attempt to overhaul your being, upgrade your system of comprehension, it is as close to winter hibernation as the human race can come, staying still..in anticipation of change, and change is the only constant.

You know, that when the paths cross, finally..when time and place conspire with you, against you to bring you, and your mind quencher together, when you find it..or it finds you, when that last leaf finally falls off that tree, you know that your instinct was right, your mental thirst was justified, and the discovery was worth the wait.

On Things..And How They Seem

I've been away for a while, and I thank all those who checked on me, but one thing I admit..is that I'm not much of a blogger, probably a seasonal one, depending on the season in mind, rather than in setting.

One of the things I've been contemplating for a while is the way things..and sometimes people seem to be -that can be both negative and positive- and the way they really are. There's a certain wisdom in discovery, and discovery sometimes reaches surprising results..much like the surprise Columbus found when he thought he reached India when in fact he reached the new world; accidents can change destinies, or at least alter our perception of something we thought is cemented in our mind to be something else.

I might be talking in riddles, but that's probably the point; obscurity sometimes seems to be fascinating, or frustrating...depending on the journey, but within its walls..when you look closely..if you take the time to look closely..lies the clearest of all messages.

I'm in a Calendar!

Well..not that kind of Calendar, maybe next year..but returnig to this one, around six or seven months ago..I came across something called The One Million Masterpiece project, which is basically one large image of a million drawings made by people around the world online, so being the Global Citizen I am, I went ahead and drew the flag of Jordan.

Yesterday, I got an email telling me that my drawing was chosen among 1800 drawings to be made into a 2008 calendar, they made up themes for each month, and the theme for March is United Nations, and yours truely secured Jordan's representation in the visual UN, with one afternoon in the office doodle.

Congratulations.

p.s: I've pointed out the drawing's position in red for your comfort.

Thirty Six..

خلاكَ الذم يا وصفي رماحي غيرُ مسنونة

ودربُ الحُر يا وصفي كَدربِك غيرُ مأمونة

A Recap of Sorts

So I've been abstaining from blogging for almost a month, and today..I decided to break the silence and speak..actually type, about the things I saw and heard in the past month or so.

First of all, I turned 32, one day before the 90th anniversary of the Balfour Declaration "Happy Anniversary", 28 days before the 60th anniversary of the partition of Palestine, again..Happy Anniversary, and 19 days before the Parliamentary Elections in Jordan..Bon Appetite and a very Merry 50JDs, or more..depending on shatartak.

Tayeb, The weather in London has been extremely bad, raining all the time..so Gene Kelly would've really relished the opportunity to really..Sing in The Rain, if it wasn't for his current disposition.

The other day, I watched a BBC documentary, -one of the signs of a healthy media- on the orphans in an Eastern European country, the programme was very disturbing, yet..to me, it was a real journey within, a journey within the human soul...or there lack of, the children were left for days, without human interaction or attention, as if their destitution and solitude weren't enough, leading them to literal insanity and short lives. Man can be a beast, I almost felt guilty watching them, and have no idea how their "care-takers" could look the reporter in the eye and claim that those children were in good care, Lying is one thing, but lying and believing it takes practice!

Hyde Park is nice these days..it always is, but this time of the year has its magic, the trees are changing their coats and preparing for the mascarade of autumn, some are red, some yellow, others are bright orange, The ever brave squirrels still venture around the green pastures, and a certain one looked at me the other day as if he knew me, but despite my vigorous attempt at recalling his acquaintance..it didn't ring a bell..or crack a nut for that matter, I might have been a squirrel in a past lifetime, or he/she was a human, who knows..we both might have been something else altogether!

I dreamt of Eve the other night, she visited me in my slumber, a more intimate setting than sobriety, she looked nice..as always, she smelt nice..as always; who knew one could dream of scents! She held my hand, and my temperature rose by 1.7 degrees or so, the best fever you can ever get is the one you get from a sublime world.